The Lent-iest Lent. Ever.

Welcome (back) to my blog dear reader! I hope you enjoy your stay! 😄

So much has happened since I last updated my blog! Since the last post way back in February, it seems like the world has flipped upside down. It went from the best Lenten start I have had in years to one of the scariest and stressful months of my life. This post was supposed to be just an update with how my Lenten season with the sacrifices and additions I chose went, but with the world seemingly ending with the COVID-19 pandemic, it will definitely be more than that.

The past month was the Lent-iest Lent I have ever had and while there were plenty of mornings, afternoons, and nights (no evenings but I'll get to that) full of tears and questions, I am still grateful for the challenge and spiritual growth I was able to gain. This is especially true in the last half of the month of March. It's always the deserts of my life that give me the most nourishment. Crazy right?

The season of Lent is usually a challenging one for me. Correct me if I am wrong but I think that is kinda the point. 😄 A season that is challenging in a good way to help us grow closer to God. But this year? Dear reader, I am not gonna mince words here. Some days freaking sucked and I almost hated that it was Lent. The first week or so of the quarantine I saw so many posts whether on social media, news outlets or blogs saying things like "It's good that this is happening during Lent, extra discipline!" Or, "There's so much good that's gonna come from this time of sacrifice!" And frankly, it pissed me off. I will admit I threw a bit of a temper tantrum. Complete with angry tears and some adamant "No!'s" and "I don't want to sacrifice more I want to see my friends and go to work!" Seriously. I was a mess. But once I got it out of my system I felt a little better. (When in doubt cry angry tears and punch your pillow.) So while it still was sucky I did not (always) feel like crying every time I had to not do something because of the new rules.

The biggest change for me was not being able to work both of my jobs. I am fortunate to still have my nanny job but losing one source of income was definitely felt at first. I also really miss my coworkers and the kids at my other job! But like I said, my boys at my nanny job are also a huge part of my life and I am super grateful for them despite the challenges. The new daily stress of homeschooling 4 different grades is something else. However, almost 15 years of being homeschooled myself and helping my siblings for the last 9 years since I graduated high school (😬) has certainly come in handy. But how did the stuff I did plan for unfold? I am glad you asked, dear reader!

So, for the things I selected as sacrifices, I totally could have done better. I gave up swearing and failed at 6:30 am on Ash Wednesday morning! I failed a lot at that one at first. The quarantine and unknown also made it a challenge. Now I am doing much better and I feel less angry. Sacrifice selection 8/10. With drinking fewer cups of coffee I feel like I could have made it harder. It was hard on days I was more tired and could have used the caffeine from a larger or second cup of coffee. Overall, not a big sacrifice 5/10.

By far the hardest sacrifice was giving up secular music. I listen to music every day. While getting ready, on the way to work, doing dishes, while writing blog posts. (Yes, as in right now as I'm writing this.) Only listening to one playlist on my way to work for all of Lent was a huge challenge. On top of that, 3 of my favorite secular artists released music last month. I am grateful for the discipline it gave me but it is a bit of a relief to be done. 10/10

For the things I added, there were ups and downs as well. The daily devotionals that I added Bishop Robert Barron’s Lenten Gospel Reflections and Father Michael J. Denk’s Complete 40-Day Prayer Program were a halfway success. The daily Gospel devotional was very easy to use. There was a question after each reflection to ponder and meditate upon for each day. I really loved the fact that there was a space for me to write down my thoughts right in the book. It made it a lot easier to keep my thoughts organized. Father Denk's book was definitely more of a challenge since it was more involved. I did not like it as much and started to fail around day 10. I still want to try and finish it and since it is not specifically for Lent, even though it is for 40 days, I will keep going.

When I deleted social media from my phone in February I did not realize how much connection and happiness I get from seeing things from friends, family, and acquaintances online. I also did not realize how much the world would change in just a couple of weeks from the moment I uninstalled the apps. I truly did miss seeing my friends on Twitter and Instagram. However, the biggest blessing ever was the time I was able to have with my family. Remember how I mentioned I did not cry during the evenings? Our dinners together leave me in stitches from laughing so hard. They distract me from the mess that is both in my head and in the world outside. And even after dinner, when we chill out in the living room to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, it brings me so much joy and peace in my heart. The increase in an already rich amount of family time is probably my favorite part of the whole social distancing thing.

One thing I added this Lenten season that I had not planned on doing was wearing my crucifix and saint medals again. That is a picture of it to the right. From left to right it is Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, Pope Saint John Paul II, the Crucifix, the Miraculous Medal and Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. There is something so comforting about having a reminder of the love of Jesus and my holy Heavenly friends with me all day. It especially brings me peace when my workday is long, stressful or frustrating. This is definitely something I will be doing through the Easter season and beyond.

Speaking of Easter! It was a bit of a weird day. But it was also a very blessed and amazing day all the same. With my dad's work schedule, he sometimes works on major holidays like Easter and Christmas. When he does not work those days my immediate family likes to stay home and celebrate together. This year my dad did not work Easter Sunday. So the likelihood of us staying home was pretty high even before the state shut down happened. That tradition, for lack of a better word, made the day less weird. Mass was still a live stream and I still really really miss the Eucharist but the graces were still felt. It was a day of love and family and my heart is filled with Easter joy. Thank You, Jesus. I am so grateful. ALLELUIA! He is risen! He is risen indeed!

I am so happy to be back and writing again. I hope you enjoyed this, longer than anticipated, post dear reader. And I hope you come back next week for another post. It is a fun topic. 😉 See you then and remember to always look for the beauty in the crazy.

☀️💙