I Only Love My Bed & My Mom, I'm Sorry.

Welcome (back) to my blog dear reader! I hope you enjoy your stay! 😄

I wasn't going to post anything today but this thought was on my mind the other night so I'm gonna post it. Yes, the title is from God's Plan by Drake. The song was stuck in my head when this thought came to me.

Following God’s plan is tricky and difficult. There are times when it is hidden and I just want to wait for an answer. But I know I can’t just keep sitting around doing nothing. I wrote a blog post last July about being okay with being single and just living that out as a vocation. I still think that is a possibility for me but I don’t think it’s entirely true.

Since I posted that blog entry I have developed feelings for a young Catholic man around my age. Those feelings were not returned, to my knowledge at least, and I have moved past that situation. During that time period, I wasn't okay with being single. I wanted "us" to work out and I would be happy. Thank You, Jesus, for keeping me as level headed as possible and for helping me be realistic about why I felt the way I did. I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship to fix my situation in life. More often than not, deep down, I fall for the guys I do because they are good men and Catholic marriage is a beautiful thing and a beautiful sacrament.

But, I always manage to fall for the wrong good Catholic man for me. I've heard some people say "Each no is one step closer to your yes from the guy you're supposed to be with." Here's a thought: What if my yes never comes? What if I never find that right guy to be my husband? Could I be okay with that? With time, I think yes. I could be okay with it.

I've been happy so far in my life without a relationship. In fact, right now I'm happier with my life than I think I have ever been. I have begun to accept myself more fully as a person and it has meant so much to me. I'm a unique person and I'm finally ready to show off all parts of my personality without fear. I may be different but there are a lot of things I have in common with women around me. And I'm ready to own those things too. My nails are done but they're usually black. I have tattoos but they aren't roses and infinity signs. I'm ready to celebrate all of it. The journey to who I'm meant to be is just beginning. I have an obnoxious joy for life that I have kept bottled up for too long. The rare moments people saw it won't be so rare anymore. It's time to be me.☀️💙