Major Breakthrough! Just Do It!

Welcome (back) to my blog dear reader! I am so glad you are here. 😄 I hope you enjoy your time here.

Wow, it has been a minute since I have posted an update here. I apologize for not updating sooner. Life has been insane and I have been in a mental funk for the last few weeks. I was working on another post that was supposed to be going up today but it is a monstrosity at the moment. It will be a while before I can polish it enough to post. But today, specifically this morning I was thinking and praying and I had a huge mental breakthrough on this blech I have been feeling lately. So that is what this post is. Just the words as I thought them and I kept it as vulnerable and honest as I felt comfortable sharing.

There are so many things I want to do in my life but I have not taken the steps necessary to achieve them. But why? To be perfectly honest, it is because I am scared. Most people would assume that I am afraid of failure. But it is actually the opposite that is true.

I'm afraid of success. I know it sounds crazy but it really is the truth. If I meet my goals and achieve my dreams, then what? I have a fear that once I have made it to my dream job, or move out of my parents house, get a new car, travel the world, etc. I will fall into despair or complacency. If I become what I'm striving towards then where could I go from there? Once I'm satisfied with how I am improved I'm scared that I won't keep growing. I'm scared that once I meet my goals I won't be able to find new goals to strive for farther out in the future. The main reason I'm writing this out during prayer time today is because I knew it in my mind but it was very difficult to articulate it through words.

When people ask me what I'm looking forward to I usually have an answer, but the idea that one day I will not have an answer terrifies me. So how do I overcome this fear?

I realize now through prayer, talking honestly with God, by avoiding the steps to achieve my dreams I'm already complacent. I'm already settling in my life. No wonder I felt like crap lately! I’m not doing anything! I've stagnated! I need to just do it! Fear is such a liar.

I know from my life experiences up to this point, all 26 years of them, there are so many ways to have an adventure it just depends on your attitude. If you have a positive, adventurous attitude even going to the grocery store is an adventure. Honestly, self you know how not normal a day of teaching can be. For crying out loud woman! Every class period, each student and day of the school week is different. And once you to finish the school year you have a brand new set of students to educate, to learn who they are as a person, and show them who they are as people.

I have had so many surprises and changes in my life that there is no way that meeting my goals are trying to meet them will stop them (surprises or changes) from happening. The future is never set in stone.

Even though I have an idea of what I want, the way that I think I will get there may only be a part of the truth on how it actually goes once I start executing my plan. This contemplation reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite YouTube vloggers by the name of Gabriel Conte: “I want to prepare for the future but not try to plan out the future.” (Mic. Drop.) It is impossible to know everything about the future but it is possible to have ideas and plans. Plans for a new car, a European vacation, or a potential family are all great ideas to have, but we never really know for a fact that is exactly how it's going to go.

It's crazy to think that the negative mood I was in and the cloud of doubt and fear that was hanging over me, suffocating me could be so easily dispelled. You can worry about the future, the what-ifs, for hours on end but you can never be satisfied with an answer unless you take action. The only way to know what will happen in the future is to just go for it.

I have a plan and a prayer that I will make it to the place God desires me to go. So dear reader as you read this word vomit I was inspired to document this morning over my devotional and my morning coffee, it is my prayer that whatever you desire for the future will come to pass, according to the will of the Father Who loves you so completely and perfectly.

I hope you have a great week and I hope you continue to find the beauty in the crazy.

☀️💙